Letter of a Lonely Man

Posted: 10th March 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
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This entry is part 2 of 6 in the series Deadmen Letters
I never knew how much my heart and my lips are yearning so much tell you how much I miss you...

I never knew how much my heart and my lips are yearning so much tell you how much I miss you…

I’m writing this letter while resting on a lonely tree atop a hill.
Being able to see such a beautiful landscape and breathing such a pure air
Helps me put aside my worries, troubles and gather my thoughts.
But I’m not writing this letter to talk about my ups and downs…
I’m writing this letter to talk about a wonderful person that I’ve let go
Without even ever noticing what I’ve missed and what I’ve had…
I’m writing this letter to talk about you…

I still remember the times where we ran around the fields together
Laughing and smiling, time was with us back then
I would have taken everything for granted, thinking that I would be able to just content myself with that
We had our little fights because of our usual teasings and pleasantries
But we would always end up forgiving each other and get used to it
No remark or jokes would have hurt us, at the least, between us

But then, one day, news of your departure would reach my ears
News that I should have known… No… News that I should have remembered from the very start…
I should have remembered that you wouldn’t stay with me in these fields forever
I should have remembered that you would leave this place one day
I should have remembered that we might not be able to see each other again…
Yet, I stood there and still thought that having what we already have is more than enough.

But that was just an excuse, an excuse to shield myself from being hurt and from losing what we had
But yet, if the outcome would have been positive, I would have found my everlasting treasure
Still, that wasn’t enough to convince me to take a full step forward…
Instead, I just took half-assed steps, steps that I thought would be enough to make you realize that I’m
trying to get closer…
But since they were weightless like feathers, my steps made no sound and you… Probably… Never noticed and
kept on walking faster…

That day where you left came so fast… You gently and weakly held my hand, my heart ached
I knew that I was about to lose someone so dear to me and I knew that once you would let go of it
I would regret it, I would hate myself, I would berate myself, I would shun myself…
Yet… I’ve let you let go of my hand… I wanted to shout out “Come back!!” But I couldn’t…

Once I’ve lifted my head, you weren’t in front of me anymore… You were gone…
I wanted to take a full step forward but a force that was chained to my hand pulled me back
It was her… A friend that I haven’t seen in a while yet still remained in good terms…
She pulled me back into the fields… I slowly went back to the warmth of those fields

But… That was what I thought… No… I never went back to how it was before you left…
True, I was smiling and laughing alongside her. I was “happy” but I wasn’t…
I wasn’t… Until that time, I never knew how much of an impact you’ve brought upon my life
I never knew how important you were to me…

But more importantly… I never knew how much my heart and my lips are yearning so much tell you how much I
miss you…
My mind keeps repeating the words “I want to see you. I miss you. I want to see you so much. I miss you so
much.”
Like an everlasting sad melody, it never stopped.

I couldn’t hide my true feelings forever nor was I able to hide it from the start
She knew that you had already taken place in my heart, yet she kept on trying.
What I thought that would have been a soft and gentle grip on my heart
Was nothing more than a temporary balm that would become a claw that would maul the surface of my heart
Where my feelings for you would resurface every time…

And then I’ve realized that these feelings are more than missing you, more than wanting to see you…
These are the feelings of wanting to be with you, be right next to you…
Even though I’ve realized my feelings, my heart still aches as I’m about to write these three words down
These three simple yet powerful words that’s said to be one of the hardest to say…
That is to say… I love you.

This is just a letter of a lonely man, baring all of his heart to a woman who he might never see again…
To a woman who he wishes to see again, hold her in his arms and never let go again…
This is just a letter of the lonely me, waiting for the day where I’ll see you again
So we can laugh, smile and be together again…

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