Letter of a Pained Man

Posted: 12th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
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This entry is part 6 of 6 in the series Deadmen Letters
As long as my heart keeps on beating... I'll keep on running So my feelings would reach you...

As long as my heart keeps on beating… I’ll keep on running
So my feelings would reach you…

Heart’s beating fast, skpping beats
Warm feelings that I thought lost
Reappearing once more, reviving my hopeful self
But… Just like light cannot go without darkness…
Hurtful feelings that I thought lost
Reappearing once more, killing my hopeful self

Oh how it’d be great if everything could make me reach my goal
Reach it without any obstacles and suffering
But this is reality, things cannot go that well
Thus, I’ve found myself getting my legs and arms constantly cut off
Things preventing me from reaching my destination
Things preventing me from reaching you…

Yet… I keep on going, I keep on running
Running towards the finish line, towards you
Everytime I’d lose a limb or two, I’d find a way to recover it
And keep on pushing… So that I can make my feelings reach you
No matter how many times I’d fall down, I’d get back up and run forward

Yet… Everytime I get closer to you… You’d get further and further away
Times where I thought I could finally stop and hold you in my arms
You’d get further and further away, out of my arms’ reach
Not wanting to give you up, I’d keep on running and running
Constantly falling down and getting back up…

With so many things getting in my way
With so many things hurting me
With so many things preventing me from reaching you
This is an unbalanced and one-sided race…
How long do I have to run before I can reach you?
How much more do I have to fall before I hold you?

These legs and arms that have been constantly torn apart and rebuilt
Have yet to amount to the same pain that my heart have beared and is bearing
A pain that is so unbearable… A pain that can only be suppressed
By my strong feelings for you…
No matter how many things have gotten in my way, I have yet to give up
As long as my heart keeps on beating… I’ll keep on running
So my feelings would reach you…

Lacrimosa ~Prelude~

Posted: 9th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
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"Say... Lissa... Am I to die here? At this world's end?"

“Say… Lissa… Am I to die here? At this world’s end?”

“Behold humans!! He, who is the one whom you all call strongest, is being held captive by

Those were the words that I barely managed to understand as I slowly wake up from my comatose
state… As my field of vision starts getting less and less blury, I can now perceive every
little detail that I need to know where I stand… Or should I say where I am chained…

No surprise, as to what has happened, the world is now in ruins, at the very least, what this
place, where I’m held as their object of humiliation, looks like. Unrooted trees buried in dead
leaves and scattered everywhere, debris of destroyed stones, roads and paths have also been
scattered… Beyond the cliff, you could see the ocean and you can easily tell that this place
has been isolated, like a floating island of sorts.

As I slowly gathered my thoughts, I now know that I have been chained onto a cross like board
made of sturdy metal. In my current state, I could easily break off and take care of these
weak minions that are my enemies. But… I’ve come this far and I don’t want to ruin
everything, for the sake of revenge…

Foul demon-like creatures are wavering and shouting, humiliating the human race, instilling
fear into them by showing that they have managed to capture and make the strongest warrior
their captive, that is me.

“No one can rival your so called hero! No one can save you now! Surrender yourselves and
become slaves to Lord Meldios!!”

I shook after that name… Meldios… Meldios… The one that I’m after… Hatred and anger
started taking control over me, but I have to hold still, until the moment is right… I can’t
let myself get engulfed by my darkness.

Right behind me are set of stairs, built by the debris of this ruined isolated island and on
top of that stood Meldios, even though I can’t turn to see him, I can feel his cold and
lifeless stare on me.

As I let out a snicker, I suddenly feel the weight that was holding both of my arms and feet
onto the metal board let loose, I fell off the board.

“Huh?! What’s going on?!” screamed the minions, confused by my sudden release.

One by one, they started appearing right besides me. My companions… Why are they even here?
I thought I told to leave me alone…

One of them turns their head towards me and asked me if I was alright.

“Heh… Of course I’m alright.” I replied with a cold tone.

I slowly equipped myself with my equipments that are being handed to me by each one of my
companion. After I was done, I coudn’t help but turn myself towards Meldios, my sworn enemy,
and stare at him. As anger and thirst for revenge are starting to take over me, I could not
hear one single word that was directed towards me, whether it be from my comrades or my

I could only see the stairs that would lead to the drink that would quench my thirst. That is
the blood of their Lord Meldios, the blood of the one who killed the one who I love most in
this world.

As I slowly started climbing the stairs towards him, his strongest servants lunged towards me
one by one and each one of them would be fended off by my comrades, isolated into a one on one

Not paying any attention to anything that’s happening, I slowly kept climbing the stairs.

Anyone would have been able to hear the clashing sounds emitted by the weapons. Anyone would
have been to smell the odor of blood that’s flying around. But I couldn’t. My mind was filled
with hatred and the need to end my nemesis’ life.

As I climbed up the stairs and being midway through it, I started to increase my pace. As his
face drew closer and seeing standing up and preparing to slowly come towards me, I am reminded
of all the evil deed that he has done.

As we get closer and closer, we started running towards each other, unsheathing our blades and
what could be heard next was a huge sound of metal clashing.

As we exchanged blows, left and right, up and down, towards the chest, towards any limbs…
He… Who has not even shown any emotion in any single battle he has been through is grinning.
I… Who does not enjoy the thrill of battle and avoid confrontation at any cost… am also

As we keep on exchanging blows, I remembered how this foul man would fell down all of his
enemies without any single remorse, nor does he show any kind of pleasure when he would crush
them… He had never shown any kind of satisfaction nor amusement when it came to destroy an
entire village or town… He’d always have that empty stare whenever he’d kill someone. Even when he struck down my beloved… Almost as if he committed his evil deeds to find something to make him feel more… Alive…

At that moment… I thought… That it would have been so much easier for me to strike him down if he was a lunatic killer… It feels like I’m fighting a lifeless doll who’s only purpose in life is to kill…

Then, I realize that I too… My anger that was overwhelming me just a few moments ago have been quelled… Probably because I unconsciously find it meaningless to feel anything towards someone who cannot feel anything… I am now fighting my sworn enemy without any kind of emotion, but still my body is moving on it’s own with one single aim, to cleave this dastard in two…

Maybe… Just maybe… Both of us are the same… I… Am not the same as him! I have loved, I
have been happy, I have companions, I have things to protect!

Meldios, seeing that I was in a state of distraught brought by my inner conflict, found the
opening to strike me.

Feeling like everything has been slowed down, I see the point of his blade getting closer to
my eye. If I don’t avoid that, my head would be skewered by it… I should avoid, yet, I have
a hard time commanding my body to…

As it slowsly approaches, your face suddenly appeared in my mind… My beloved Lissa… You,
who have saved me from darkness…

If it wasn’t for you… I would have been wandering around this deteriorating world alone and
would have ended up consumed by the darkness inside me… You have shown me warmth and love,
things that I thought lost…

Emotions that were sealed away, ideals that were discarded, promises that were buried… You
made me pick everything up once more…

You, who have rekindled my dying heart… Who have been taken away by this man before me…
How I wish to hold you once more…

As memories of her started flashing through my mind, I couldn’t help but feel sadness and

“Say… Lissa… Am I to die here? At this world’s end?”

You… Who have rekindled my soul… Wait for me, I’ll join you soon…
As my mind faded into those thoughts, I could feel the warm blood flowing down my cheek.

Letter of a Yearning Man

Posted: 6th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
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This entry is part 5 of 6 in the series Deadmen Letters

I… Truly love you…

People constantly yearn for warmth and joy
They constantly long for happiness and love
But do we even know what love is?
Do we even know what we’re actually yearning for?

Is love the feeling where we are in constant need of having someone besides us?
Is it the feeling of being able to do more than what friends can normally do?
I… like any others, have been in a constant search for it’s meaning
I’ve ventured high and low so I can one day reach the answer

I’ve gone so far and been sidetracked so many times
Yet, not one of them ever brought me close to any hints
Yet, not one of them brought me nothing more than wasted times
That is, until the day I met you…

Little have I known, that moments passed with you
Would have brought me this close to the answer
Letting days pass by without even heeding to my quest
You’ve brought me so much joy and laughters

Taking for granted what we had, I forgot what I set out for
With your warmth envelopping me, I decided to settle down
And enjoy every moment that I could spend with you
Little have I known, that the answer was so close…

That is, until the day you left…
Not one day have my mind painted your smile
Not one day have my hearing played your laughters
Not one day have my feelings felt your warmth

One day, I was reminded by a fellow scholar
“What is love? Did you find your answer?”
Stricken by those words and reminding me of my loss of you
I slowly gathered my thoughts, calmly smiled and bearing my heart, told him

“Love is when you feel and yearn for the warmth of the person you hold so dear
Love is when you hear and long for the laughters of that very person
Love is when you’ve burned and want to see their smile once more
But most importantly…”

Before I could even finish telling him what I hold so dear in my research
I remembered how much I loved sharing my pains and joys with you
I remembered how much I loved teasing and arguing with you
I remembered how much… Yes… I remembered how much…

“But most importantly… Love is when you’re able to let go
Let go of every shackles your heart posseses
Share your burdens and reliefs
So you can laugh and cry with your dearest”

Yes… That is the answer you’ve helped me find…
Aah… I yearn to meet you once more my dear…
So I can tell you that I… Truly love you…