Lacrimosa ~Prelude~

Posted: 9th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
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"Say... Lissa... Am I to die here? At this world's end?"

“Say… Lissa… Am I to die here? At this world’s end?”

“Behold humans!! He, who is the one whom you all call strongest, is being held captive by
us!!”

Those were the words that I barely managed to understand as I slowly wake up from my comatose
state… As my field of vision starts getting less and less blury, I can now perceive every
little detail that I need to know where I stand… Or should I say where I am chained…

No surprise, as to what has happened, the world is now in ruins, at the very least, what this
place, where I’m held as their object of humiliation, looks like. Unrooted trees buried in dead
leaves and scattered everywhere, debris of destroyed stones, roads and paths have also been
scattered… Beyond the cliff, you could see the ocean and you can easily tell that this place
has been isolated, like a floating island of sorts.

As I slowly gathered my thoughts, I now know that I have been chained onto a cross like board
made of sturdy metal. In my current state, I could easily break off and take care of these
weak minions that are my enemies. But… I’ve come this far and I don’t want to ruin
everything, for the sake of revenge…

Foul demon-like creatures are wavering and shouting, humiliating the human race, instilling
fear into them by showing that they have managed to capture and make the strongest warrior
their captive, that is me.

“No one can rival your so called hero! No one can save you now! Surrender yourselves and
become slaves to Lord Meldios!!”

I shook after that name… Meldios… Meldios… The one that I’m after… Hatred and anger
started taking control over me, but I have to hold still, until the moment is right… I can’t
let myself get engulfed by my darkness.

Right behind me are set of stairs, built by the debris of this ruined isolated island and on
top of that stood Meldios, even though I can’t turn to see him, I can feel his cold and
lifeless stare on me.

As I let out a snicker, I suddenly feel the weight that was holding both of my arms and feet
onto the metal board let loose, I fell off the board.

“Huh?! What’s going on?!” screamed the minions, confused by my sudden release.

One by one, they started appearing right besides me. My companions… Why are they even here?
I thought I told to leave me alone…

One of them turns their head towards me and asked me if I was alright.

“Heh… Of course I’m alright.” I replied with a cold tone.

I slowly equipped myself with my equipments that are being handed to me by each one of my
companion. After I was done, I coudn’t help but turn myself towards Meldios, my sworn enemy,
and stare at him. As anger and thirst for revenge are starting to take over me, I could not
hear one single word that was directed towards me, whether it be from my comrades or my
enemies.

I could only see the stairs that would lead to the drink that would quench my thirst. That is
the blood of their Lord Meldios, the blood of the one who killed the one who I love most in
this world.

As I slowly started climbing the stairs towards him, his strongest servants lunged towards me
one by one and each one of them would be fended off by my comrades, isolated into a one on one
battle.

Not paying any attention to anything that’s happening, I slowly kept climbing the stairs.

Anyone would have been able to hear the clashing sounds emitted by the weapons. Anyone would
have been to smell the odor of blood that’s flying around. But I couldn’t. My mind was filled
with hatred and the need to end my nemesis’ life.

As I climbed up the stairs and being midway through it, I started to increase my pace. As his
face drew closer and seeing standing up and preparing to slowly come towards me, I am reminded
of all the evil deed that he has done.

As we get closer and closer, we started running towards each other, unsheathing our blades and
what could be heard next was a huge sound of metal clashing.

As we exchanged blows, left and right, up and down, towards the chest, towards any limbs…
He… Who has not even shown any emotion in any single battle he has been through is grinning.
I… Who does not enjoy the thrill of battle and avoid confrontation at any cost… am also
grinning…

As we keep on exchanging blows, I remembered how this foul man would fell down all of his
enemies without any single remorse, nor does he show any kind of pleasure when he would crush
them… He had never shown any kind of satisfaction nor amusement when it came to destroy an
entire village or town… He’d always have that empty stare whenever he’d kill someone. Even when he struck down my beloved… Almost as if he committed his evil deeds to find something to make him feel more… Alive…

At that moment… I thought… That it would have been so much easier for me to strike him down if he was a lunatic killer… It feels like I’m fighting a lifeless doll who’s only purpose in life is to kill…

Then, I realize that I too… My anger that was overwhelming me just a few moments ago have been quelled… Probably because I unconsciously find it meaningless to feel anything towards someone who cannot feel anything… I am now fighting my sworn enemy without any kind of emotion, but still my body is moving on it’s own with one single aim, to cleave this dastard in two…

Maybe… Just maybe… Both of us are the same… I… Am not the same as him! I have loved, I
have been happy, I have companions, I have things to protect!

Meldios, seeing that I was in a state of distraught brought by my inner conflict, found the
opening to strike me.

Feeling like everything has been slowed down, I see the point of his blade getting closer to
my eye. If I don’t avoid that, my head would be skewered by it… I should avoid, yet, I have
a hard time commanding my body to…

As it slowsly approaches, your face suddenly appeared in my mind… My beloved Lissa… You,
who have saved me from darkness…

If it wasn’t for you… I would have been wandering around this deteriorating world alone and
would have ended up consumed by the darkness inside me… You have shown me warmth and love,
things that I thought lost…

Emotions that were sealed away, ideals that were discarded, promises that were buried… You
made me pick everything up once more…

You, who have rekindled my dying heart… Who have been taken away by this man before me…
How I wish to hold you once more…

As memories of her started flashing through my mind, I couldn’t help but feel sadness and
regrets…

“Say… Lissa… Am I to die here? At this world’s end?”

You… Who have rekindled my soul… Wait for me, I’ll join you soon…
As my mind faded into those thoughts, I could feel the warm blood flowing down my cheek.

Letter of a Yearning Man

Posted: 6th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,
This entry is part 5 of 6 in the series Deadmen Letters
Takakura.Shouma.full.956634

I… Truly love you…

People constantly yearn for warmth and joy
They constantly long for happiness and love
But do we even know what love is?
Do we even know what we’re actually yearning for?

Is love the feeling where we are in constant need of having someone besides us?
Is it the feeling of being able to do more than what friends can normally do?
I… like any others, have been in a constant search for it’s meaning
I’ve ventured high and low so I can one day reach the answer

I’ve gone so far and been sidetracked so many times
Yet, not one of them ever brought me close to any hints
Yet, not one of them brought me nothing more than wasted times
That is, until the day I met you…

Little have I known, that moments passed with you
Would have brought me this close to the answer
Letting days pass by without even heeding to my quest
You’ve brought me so much joy and laughters

Taking for granted what we had, I forgot what I set out for
With your warmth envelopping me, I decided to settle down
And enjoy every moment that I could spend with you
Little have I known, that the answer was so close…

That is, until the day you left…
Not one day have my mind painted your smile
Not one day have my hearing played your laughters
Not one day have my feelings felt your warmth

One day, I was reminded by a fellow scholar
“What is love? Did you find your answer?”
Stricken by those words and reminding me of my loss of you
I slowly gathered my thoughts, calmly smiled and bearing my heart, told him

“Love is when you feel and yearn for the warmth of the person you hold so dear
Love is when you hear and long for the laughters of that very person
Love is when you’ve burned and want to see their smile once more
But most importantly…”

Before I could even finish telling him what I hold so dear in my research
I remembered how much I loved sharing my pains and joys with you
I remembered how much I loved teasing and arguing with you
I remembered how much… Yes… I remembered how much…

“But most importantly… Love is when you’re able to let go
Let go of every shackles your heart posseses
Share your burdens and reliefs
So you can laugh and cry with your dearest”

Yes… That is the answer you’ve helped me find…
Aah… I yearn to meet you once more my dear…
So I can tell you that I… Truly love you…

Letter of an Ephemeral Man

Posted: 4th May 2013 by desfel in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,
This entry is part 1 of 6 in the series Deadmen Letters
Thank you...

Thank you…

Yearning to be seen as more than a tool
Longing to freed from being used
I have finally unchained myself from those who can’t see me for nothing more than an object
That… is what I thought…

Have I known to not misplace my trust
Have I known to not misplace my beliefs
Have I known to not misplace my expectations
Have I known to not bite for their lies…

Those who have called themselves my comrade
Those who have called themselves my pillars
Have been chipping away at their own words
And replaced the solid hard love by feeble weak lies
The pillars are crumbling down…

Just like a weakening fire on a candle…
One by one… They are being put out…
Becoming shorter as they are lit up again
Until no more remains…

I have given away way too much
Time, effort, happiness, smiles, laughters…
Only to be paid back with nothing than
Pain, sorrow, sadness, betrayal, loneliness…

Whenever those pillar would crumble
And be built back up again…
I would feel happiness and joy
But little have I known that those pillar were becoming more and more feeble and ephemeral

Just like my soul… Just like my existence…
To the eyes of those who looked away from me…
To the eyes of those who content themselves with their own joy…
To the eyes of those who kept walking forward without a moment to spare…

Ephemeral… Just like my happiness
Just like my hopes and trusts
That keeps being crushed and swept away
Like meaningless dusts flowing in the wind
Never amounting to anywhere meaningful…

Tears that are meant to overflow the cup that is holding them
Tears that could never spill over
Tears that couldn’t shed
By a soul that merely flickers weakly
By a soul that is about to fade away…

All that I can say is…
“Why have I not come to terms that I’m alone?”
A fact that I should have engraved into my soul since so long ago

All I can add is…
To the one who’ll be able to fully reach out to me
To the one who’ll be able to see me entirely

End this… Me…
Thank you… For saving me…